“Courtesy Flush” is the first in the Rainbows in Space series written by me – Katriona MacMillan.

If I had to give you a tagline, I would suggest Red Dwarf (UK) but with a larger cast and a hint of The Orville.

Does that need an explanation? I think so.

Writing Courtesy Flush

I set out to write this short story around 2022. I like to scour the internet for submissions requiring short stories once in a while to keep my name in the ring. Anyway that brief for this one was something along the lines of “after the cows went home,” with the story being sci-fi. I decided that clearly the cows were talking alien cows who had held a whole space station to ransom and that the story would be dealing with the aftermath.

Cue 3 million years into deep space, completely lost, exploring planets a la star trek, and f*cking up at every available opportunity.

The Setting for Rainbows in Space

Picture a ship where nothing works. Everything that once did work has now become jammed, broken through overuse, or contaminated by body parts or cows. The crew go through a wormhole with a thousand people on board. They are Earth’s first ever proper space station, paid for by the ominous ‘company’.

Dr Rainbow Avery – fully aware that she has a name which sounds like it should own a candy store or teach year 1s – is the scientist in charge of finding the wormhole that will take them home. She happens to believe she is the only person on the station with any brains. She isn’t wrong.

Rainbow therefore has the task of corralling a group of mish-mash aliens, humans, and desperados, into doing what they need to do to survive.

Episode the First: Courtesy Flush: tells the story of what happens when the occupants of space station 001 use the last toilet roll.

The last toilet roll in space.

Why? Because of the cows of course.

Rainbows in Space – The Series

Thus Rainbows in Space is a series of mishaps between the stars as told backwards, ending with the Time The Cows Came Home.

In courtesy Flush, the team must go on a mission, breaking the rule of no contact, to ask a life-bearing planet for help. When they get there all they find are fish. Fish and one gigantic, very angry squid.

And Kevin, of course. Let’s not forget about Kevin.

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A Warning to New Writers

I wrote Courtesy Flush for this call for submissions only for them to get in touch with me. The editors were looking for pieces to enter into an anthology. They contacted me to say that although the story did not fit with the anthology, they thought it was good enough to publish it as a standalone.

Of course I agreed. Every writer wants other people to publish their work. The contract I signed was for a single year of listing through their website, where I directed my customers to the sale.

After a couple of years had gone by and I recalled that they owed me money, I tried to track down the publisher again. It turns out that they, the website, and all the other books on it had all disappeared. I think they were legit but went bankrupt. Maybe not though.

The moral of the story? Sometimes even if you check reviews, see other writers working with a publicist, or have experience with a publisher in the past, doesn’t really matter. There are people in the book business that will try to get one over on you just as there is in every business.

Keep writing. That’s all there is to it.

That and self-publishing.